Diet Culture.


Poo before you go for weigh in.

Laxatives the night before

Wear lightweight clothing

Don’t wear a bra

Take off shoes, socks, coats and jumpers.

Be as light as possible.

Make excuses before you’ve seen the number.

Its minus but not enough

Its plus and you’re a disgrace


Reclaiming sexuality after abuse

Sexual abuse has been something very significant lately in my life. I have seen someone change from owning her sexuality, to being afraid to express it.

Women are forced to be sexual beings from a young age, whilst simultaneously being shamed for it. Conform to these ideals, but don’t be confident- because that is a threat.

We live our lives afraid of upsetting men, and so we become targets for sexual harassment and abuse. Our clothing and appearance is used as an excuse and we are told we are ‘asking for it’, regardless of how promiscuous we are being.

Men can express their sexuality in a positive way, with no consequences, “how many birds have you shagged” is not an uncommon conversation to overhear, but why are women shamed for taking ownership of their own sexuality?

I collaborated with art student and friend, Emily Sanders, to create a series of images reclaiming female sexuality.

IMG_0201-ANIMATION (2).gif

Within this we wanted to create a scene of a woman who is owning herself and using phallic objects to mimic male genitalia. We considered using masculine clothing to do this, as it could be argued that this image is still appealing to the male gaze. However, why is lingerie seen as something for men, and not women? Why is it bad for a woman to see herself as a sexual being in the same way as a man? I see this image and I see power, and control from a female perspective, whereas males I have shown have found it uncomfortable and ‘weird’.


“Men look at women. Women watch themselves being looked at” -John Berger


I’ve decided to stop talking about race. Because saying you’re offended by a rape joke is understandable, yet, I have to explain my offence with a race one? It’s called solidarity. No, I’m not black, but if you’re happy to say the ‘n- word’, ‘p’ isn’t far along. Is taking my culture more important than me? It’s easy to see why it looks that way. Why do you want to wear a dot on your head so badly? Why is it more important than me?

Telling someone their behaviour is problematic does not equal to calling them a racist. Why do you have to make it about you? Why can you offend me by your behaviour but when I explain why it’s an issue I’m calling you a ‘racist cunt’. You are a product of your own ignorance and a society that is designed for you to succeed. And I don’t need to take that away from you.

Things I want to say to people

No, I don’t want to join the gym.

Please don’t comment on my food.

I didn’t know pizza was bad for me.

Thank you, I didn’t know I was short and fat.

When you call me little, I know you don’t mean my waistline.

Please don’t comment on my tits.

Would you fuck me if I was thinner?

Don’t comment on my body hair.

Why does my weight bother you so much?

Unit 3 thoughts

Moving forward from my last unit, I still am keen to explore the female form and women’s responses to their own bodies. I am interested in the aspect of sexuality, in regards to the taboo around it and the female body.

Harassment of women is something that I’m sure most can relate to or have an opinion on. Recently this has become a prominent aspect of my life, and my awareness to how women are treated in everyday life has heightened.

A powerful woman is seen as aggressive. A nice woman is ‘asking for it’. A girl who is confident in her body is a whore and one who is not has baggage.

I have been working closely with Emily and our work crosses paths in regards to themes. We want to reclaim our bodies from society- in particular, men.

To begin with I was exploring biological sounds the body makes and how to capture these as a part of the sound element required for this unit. I am happy with the recordings and my research into Foley, however I feel this sterile  and technical approach is leaving me feel disconnected to my work.

To progress, I am going to look at using spoken word in my work, either on its own, or to accompany moving image.

the sun and her flowers- rupi kaur

I have followed artist and poet, Rupi Kaur since her period Instagram scandal a few years ago. From ‘milk and honey’, a collection of words exploring abuse, grief and rising, to her latest collection.

I have never connected to a poet in this way, the ethnic minority poets we covered in school all were said in thick accents or were laughed at collectively. This is raw. This is summarising the experiences of women everywhere and stands in solidarity. It is brutal and sensitive all at the same time and articulates words me may not be able to.

Poems about immigration from a second generation perspective. About losing your cultural identity and the fight to reclaim it in a post 9/11 western world. Shame and problems within our communities and how we can both admire and challenge our cultural traditions.

I take a deep breath after finishing these books because Kaur’s words organise the Brexit and Trump chaos in my mind. She helps me to rationalise my negative thoughts, and teaches me that I am enough the way I am.


My final video comprises of short clips that cut in and out in a mosaic pattern. I drew inspiration from looking at my images on a contact sheet, and finding the difficulty to focus on more than one image interesting. Each person will be drawn to a different clip or aspect and so will experience the work differently because of this. I think this also aids to minimise the sexualisation of these clips, as nudity is often viewed in this way. I was more curious about the movement of the body in unconventional ways- ways that we do not use in everyday life.

Screen Shot 2018-01-21 at 1.44.15 am.png

I think this awareness of your body is something that we rarely get to enjoy, as lives are too busy, but this project has allowed me to become familiar with the way mine actually looks vs the way it appears in images and video footage. I also found it interesting to look at responses after sharing my work from both people I am close with and those I am not. I received a lot of positive reinforcement, people telling me they “admired my confidence” etc, when this was not done out of confidence, but more curiosity. Despite this, I am aware that getting naked for my work would not have been an option a few years ago, and although I did hesitate to do this, it was not out of lack of confidence in myself, but more how others would perceive me (although these may cross over).

I wanted to keep the use of black and white in my film, and I feel it again, lessens the attention to the body itself, but more towards the movement it makes. This is also why I chose to use a low resolution camera, however it did also cross my mind that this would mean my cellulite and fat wouldn’t be in HD.

Screen Shot 2018-01-21 at 1.44.33 am

I have had an inner conflict with whether or not I was ‘brave’ putting myself in my work. In some ways, it is a leap in my confidence and practice, and in others, I did take steps to make myself less exposed. Part of me was pushed to do this work because I could not find performance artists who are larger, but I simultaneously didn’t want my work to become about ’empowering plus size women’ or the ‘body confidence’ movement. I have come to accept that this will probably happen regardless of my intention, but that shouldn’t stop me making the work. It would be ideal if me using my body to make work, as a ‘plus size’ woman was considered normal, so that the focus was the work and not my size.


Developing my work

Shoot 1:
This shoot was done using a 35mm colour disposable camera in the sculpture studios at Camberwell UAL. The space was plain, grey concrete like walls and floor. The neutral aspect of this space meant that the images focused on the body and movement. The flash from the camera was very harsh against the skin and emphasised the contours and definition in the models body.


Shoot 2:
I used a compact 35mm film camera with black and white film as I wanted to develop my darkroom skills further (after experimenting with pinhole cameras). For this, I did not focus on the images, but more on having something I could learn from. Some of the images came out nicely, however hold little relevance to my project on a whole, apart from the use of 35mm film. I learned the process of developing 35mm in the darkroom and how to identify the correct timings, using the charts provided. From these negatives, I learned how to enlarge them onto photographic paper.


Shoot 3:
After learning how to develop my own film, I wanted to recreate this initial shoot of movement and dance with 35mm black and white film so that I could develop it myself and print them as I wished. The space I initially used was no longer available and so I had to find a suitable space that would have a similar effect on enhancing the body contours.

Shoot 4:
I did not feel connected to my work in the same way as I have with previous projects, and I put this down to using a model and not using myself in my work. I had hesitations about doing this as I do not have a thin frame which is conventionally used and seen in performance art today. In this same sense, I was worried about my size distracting from the work itself- which had no intention to take this path. I did however have an interest to see how the different body shapes would make the movement differ, with highlights to the folds and rolls as opposed to bone. After looking back on artists that I have drawn influence from, these women all use their own bodies in their work and I think this definitely impacts its strength in portraying its message.

Sarah Lucas- I Scream Daddio

Sarah Lucas’ work “I Scream Daddio” was at the British Pavilion at the Vencice Bienalle in 2015. This consisted of abstract balloon-like sculptures that towered over the space. Within in had casts of body parts- mainly the bottom and legs- in various positions on furniture. These casts were made using disposable moulds from Modroc. In her exhibition book she explains in detail how these were made. Standing in one position for an hour or so and marking out where the pieces of Modroc would go and the seams for removal.

She explains that three people are needed; a model, and two people to apply the Modroc to the body. These moulds are then cast in white plaster and left to set. The result is a life size portion of the body in which cigarettes were places in the anus and vagina to capture the viewer’s attention.


I found it inspiring once again to see a female artist use her body to create her work, this time in a non-traditional performance sense. Despite these being sculptures, the various positions create a sense of movement and have a performative feel to them.

I would be interested in exploring the casting process with my own body as I think it would be interesting to see how the folds and fat on my body translate into a sculpture. I feel that there are not a lot of ‘bigger’ women showcased in these sculptural forms in current art. Would this method work with more contours in the body? Will I need to use a different material with more flexibility such as alginate? This is something I am keen to consider in the future.

Inside Pussy Riot: Les Enfants Terribles: Saatchi Gallery

The experience begins with an actor giving you a vague brief but is very melodramatic in the theatrical sense. We are told to write something down that we care about and are given a placard expressing the said thing. Mine was about “uniting against racism”.

Then the experience begins. You enter a mock up chapel that is meant to represent the Moscow Orthodox cathedral. You are told to stand and hold your placard, ‘egged’ on by another actor. It was painfully awkward to begin with as we were a very small group of three. I imagine with more people it would be invigorating and full of chaos. Then we got arrested.


In the police set, you are told not to speak- which is very difficult as you are being interrogated. Someone was told to remove all their clothing. It was difficult at first to tell if this was genuinely happening. The woman then broke character to explain that she was an actor in the performance, however in reality, this happens every day there.

Now, just the three of us, we are bought into a room and made to do very mundane and almost impossible tasks- one that stood out was threading needles from a pile of pins (in very dimmed light). We were shouted at and the awkwardness and tension makes you forget that this is in fact a performance. One of the girls rebelled and refused to do anything. It was amazing how we had instant solidarity with each other, as when we were told to make an example of her, we did not- even when our own ‘safety’ was at risk.

The experience continued, but ended with a powerful monologue in a small confined ‘cell’. Nadya Tolokonnikova (member of Pussy Riot) talked about censorship and uniting against the corruption. It was very moving at overall pulled the performance together to highlight what they were trying to do as Pussy Riot.

INSIDE PUSSY RIOT / kickstart an immersive riot theatre!