My final video comprises of short clips that cut in and out in a mosaic pattern. I drew inspiration from looking at my images on a contact sheet, and finding the difficulty to focus on more than one image interesting. Each person will be drawn to a different clip or aspect and so will experience the work differently because of this. I think this also aids to minimise the sexualisation of these clips, as nudity is often viewed in this way. I was more curious about the movement of the body in unconventional ways- ways that we do not use in everyday life.
I think this awareness of your body is something that we rarely get to enjoy, as lives are too busy, but this project has allowed me to become familiar with the way mine actually looks vs the way it appears in images and video footage. I also found it interesting to look at responses after sharing my work from both people I am close with and those I am not. I received a lot of positive reinforcement, people telling me they “admired my confidence” etc, when this was not done out of confidence, but more curiosity. Despite this, I am aware that getting naked for my work would not have been an option a few years ago, and although I did hesitate to do this, it was not out of lack of confidence in myself, but more how others would perceive me (although these may cross over).
I wanted to keep the use of black and white in my film, and I feel it again, lessens the attention to the body itself, but more towards the movement it makes. This is also why I chose to use a low resolution camera, however it did also cross my mind that this would mean my cellulite and fat wouldn’t be in HD.
I have had an inner conflict with whether or not I was ‘brave’ putting myself in my work. In some ways, it is a leap in my confidence and practice, and in others, I did take steps to make myself less exposed. Part of me was pushed to do this work because I could not find performance artists who are larger, but I simultaneously didn’t want my work to become about ’empowering plus size women’ or the ‘body confidence’ movement. I have come to accept that this will probably happen regardless of my intention, but that shouldn’t stop me making the work. It would be ideal if me using my body to make work, as a ‘plus size’ woman was considered normal, so that the focus was the work and not my size.